Juggling Multiple Bedtimes
If you’re getting ready to welcome a new babe into your family, you’ve got a lot on your mind. You’re most likely experiencing a combination of excitement, anxiety, and uncertainty. If your new little one will be joining siblings at home, you probably also have a lot of logistical questions.
How will you fit newborn naps and feeds around your toddler’s schedule? How will your older children adjust to having a brand new family member who needs a lot of TLC? And how will you manage to get everyone fed, bathed, and in bed every night?
Juggling two or three different bedtime routines at once can get very overwhelming very quickly. Trying to find time to feed your newborn while wrangling your toddler in the bath and reading to your six year old can leave you feeling frazzled and frantic. Parents are generally excellent multitaskers, but bedtime can be a tricky time of day for anyone – energy is low, emotions are high, and you’re all ready for a break.
Making a few simple changes to your bedtime routines will make evenings easier for everyone in your family. You can stop feeling like you have a marathon to run every night and start looking forward to a calm, enjoyable bedtime with your little loves, and a few moments to yourself in the evening.
1. Stick to one bedtime for all of your kiddos.
You might be surprised to learn that most children need about 10-12 hours of sleep each night, right up until the end of elementary school or the beginning of puberty. If your family is up at 7am, your 4 month old, 3 year old, and 5 year old should all be ready to head to bed at 7pm. Newborn babes typically do best with a slightly later bedtime in those first few weeks, but once you settle into your new normal, you should easily be able to shift that bedtime a little earlier so you can tuck all your little ones in at the same time.
2. Work as a team
If you have a partner or another adult at home with you, put your heads together and figure out what works best for you. The days are full with a family at home, and there’s often a long list of tasks left to do at the end of the day – packing lunches, cleaning the kitchen, putting away laundry, or finishing up work. Some parents choose to do the bedtime routine together, and tackle the list afterwards. Other families choose to have one parent do the bedtime routine while the other gets to work on the list, and switch out every night. This means neither of you feel stuck in a rut, and your kids will be accustomed to either of you putting them to bed.
3. Multitask where you can
As a parent, you’re probably already a master multitasker. Bedtime is an opportunity to put your skills to work! Instead of trying to do two or three separate routines, double up where you can. Put the kids in the bath at the same time. Cozy up and feed your newborn while you read your toddler a story. Sing your songs together while you change your toddler’s diaper. Taking the time to think about where you can do this in advance will make for a smoother bedtime for everyone.
4. Stick to a 20-30 minute routine
Bedtime routines are an important part of good sleep hygiene, and contribute to your kiddos sleeping well. Doing the same routine in the same order each night is a cue for your little one’s bodies and brains that sleep is coming. It stimulates the production of melatonin, a natural hormone that helps us settle into sleep, and it helps to keep their internal clocks on time. If you’re able to include a bath as the first step of your bedtime routine, it’s a great place to start. A bath is very different from anything else your child will experience during the day, and a strong signal that sleep is right around the corner. 20 to 30 minutes is the perfect amount of time to spend on your bedtime routine: short enough for everyone to remember where they started, and long enough to get everyone ready for bed.
5. Save something special for the end of the day
If you are a parent of a newborn or an infant, you may need your toddler or older child to engage in an independent activity at some point during the bedtime routine so you can tuck your littlest love in bed. If this is the case, think about setting up a special activity your older kiddos can do on their own during that time that doesn’t involve screens. Choose a quiet, peaceful activity your child likes to do and is capable of doing independently. Sticker books or colouring books work well for many families.
6. Involve older children
All children thrive on structure and predictability, especially toddlers. Find a way for your toddler or older child to be your helper during the bedtime routine. Giving them some responsibility at this time will allow them to wrap up their day with a sense of accomplishment and help you keep things running smoothly. Having them stack up the bath toys, bring you a fresh diaper, or lay out a sleep sack are easy ways for them to be involved.
7. Be consistent
If you’ve worked with me, you’ll know how important consistency is for creating effective sleep cues and feelings of safety and security for your little one. If you’re bringing home a new babe, this will be even more important. Every child does well when they know what to expect, and your bedtime routine is the perfect place to practice this. Explain to your older children how your bedtime routine will look a little different with the addition of a new sibling, and share your expectations with them in advance. Stick to your original routine as much as you can, and be firm with the boundaries you’ve already put in place. There will be adjustments for everyone, and for toddlers or school aged children, the fact that they’re sharing your attention with a new sibling can be tough. Being consistent with your routines and expectations will contribute to a smoother transition to a change in family dynamics.
8. Avoid screen time
It can be very tempting to make screen time part of your bedtime routine. For most kiddos, it will most certainly provide 15 minutes of quiet so you can tend to your youngest babe. The problem is that the entire time a screen is holding your child’s attention, it’s also flooding their eyes with blue light. This blue light causes two things to happen in the brain: it suppresses the release of melatonin (a hormone that helps us feel drowsy and ready for sleep) and it stimulates the production of cortisol (a hormone that helps us feel awake and alert). Those few minutes spent with a screen will negatively impact your children’s ability to settle into sleep quickly and easily. You may very well end up spending hours trying to get your overtired babe settled down for the night.
9. Give yourself some grace
As parents, we know that things don’t always go as planned. Whether you’re bringing home your newest babe, dealing with sleep regressions, or just having a tough day, be kind to yourself. Bedtime won’t always go smoothly, and when it doesn’t, do your best to stay calm and level-headed amidst any meltdowns that might be going on. You’ll help your kiddos get through their routine and get into bed, and you can start afresh the next day.
10. Take a moment
Some days, being a parent feels like being on a hamster wheel you will never get off. After you tuck your sweet babes into bed, take a few minutes for yourself. You might escape into a book, zone out with a mindless television program, plug into a podcast, pull out your yoga mat, go for a walk, or maybe just sit down for 5 minutes and take a breath before you tackle the next item on your list. Parenting is the most incredible gig in the world, but it comes with increased responsibilities, demands on your time, and a love that fills your heart to bursting. Finding a few minutes in your day for yourself is important, and post-bedtime is the perfect time to do just that.
If you’ve made it this far, and you’re thinking that a bedtime routine like this sounds amazing, but my kids just wouldn’t go to sleep at the end of it, I can help you with that too. Book your complimentary Hello Call and let’s chat about how to make bedtime routines work for your family and get your little loves sleeping through the night.